Poker Bores

Dear Poker Abby,

When I was in college, we had a regular ring game, $40 buy-ins nothing fancy. It was my frat's poker game, but we tried to keep an open atmosphere that allowed outsiders to join. Our philosophy was the more the merrier, especially if it brought many rich fish. Unfortunately there was one guy who kept showing up who made horrific puns and tasteless jokes while playing. He was a nice guy, you know the type that tries too hard. We didn't want to tell him not to come, because he brought action and really was a sweet guy, just kind of a loser. Thus, what do you with a guy who is using your poker game as a social outlet but is annoying you throughout? By the by, I think your blog is hysterical.
The important factor is whether the offender wins or loses money. If he's a consistent loser, you certainly don't want him to leave! Find a way to drown out his bad jokes. One tactic is to serve up blended margaritas right from the poker table and every time he starts in, crank up the blender. Just tell him you're listening and that he should keep talking. At least if the blender doesn't block out the irritant, hopefully the tequila will.

If he wins a decent share of the time, there's no reason to tolerate his boorish personality. There are plenty of ways to oust a nice guy who happens to be annoying. One is the passive approach to get him to leave the game on his own. You can try the technique I use when a guy hits on me in a bar and doesn't get the hint that I don't want to talk to him: I stare at him. After giving 10 clipped answers, I follow the next one by simply looking at him with a puzzled expression as if to say, "Are you really that clueless???" With most guys, it only takes another five or six such silent stare downs before they finally walk away thinking there's something wrong with ME. If that doesn't work, you can always get word to him that you all died in a fiery car crash.

Hey, wait a minute. I just realized that my home game has a $40 buy in, I tell a lot of tasteless jokes and I'm somewhat of a loser. This isn't somebody from my game is it? If it is, ignore all the advice above and get the lady a chair.

~~Poker Abby~~


Blogger Aznperson said...

This is funny yet sad at the same time cause I too am a loser and make tastless jokes all the time. Now I realized why the guys have not been calling me to play poker.

Blogger The random, mysterious ones said...

Dear Poker Abby,

If I, for some reason, don't have a poker face because of a freak accident involving a blowtorch filled with canned snow drippings, could I, in theory, still travel to the North Pole and play poker with Vlad?

You see, Vlad really needs some serious mental help. He's obsessed with winning this SUPERHUGE!Bagofcelery I had won from Madonna'

Poker coins taste good with coffee.

I'm just saying.

Your most special pal,



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